An open letter 3

Dear Mothers of the world,

When you are the mother of young boys, you have a choice to either take them to the mall with you or leave them at home. Sometimes you take them. When you do take them, that is not the time to go to Victoria's Secret.

For those of you that DO subject your child to this most excruciating embarrassment, you clearly have little shame as is and might as well keep them with you, since that is only slightly more embarrassing.

The correct thing to do is NOT to make sure they're in the store with you, and then let them frolic about to entertain themselves with whatever they wish. They will wind up in the middle of the store, playing in a pile of lingerie.

This will happen no matter who your child is or how old.

<3 Claire

I like sharing art.

http://www.thedesignblog.org/entry/old-car-parts-salvaged-into-beautiful-sculptures/

I saw this guy's work last year and it's really, REALLY cool. I'd say if you have an extra 20 or 40 thousand dollars lying around, this is defs the way to go.

Watchmen

My issue is that I got a hardcover edition of Watchmen for Christmas. I asked for it, it's great and all....

But it's in plastic wrap and I'm struggling with whether to unwrap it or not. If it hadn't been wrapped, I'd be fine. Decisions, decisions...

My mom.

My mom has a Digg gadget on her iGoogle. She is now automatically cooler than your mom.

Truth

THIS IS THE LONG-LOST 3RD POST FROM THAT FATEFUL NIGHT.
I just found it because I saved it as a draft:


"You know what talks really fast? A parrot on acid. True fact."

Poor wording.

If you are having problems in your lovelife, "clusterfuck" is rarely the word you should use to describe how badly things are. As in,

"My love life has turned into a clusterfuck of epic proportions."

If this IS an accurate description of the issues you are having, then I think I might know how to improve things.

An open letter 2

Dear Governor Pawlenty,

I am writing you a letter because I saw you today.

Governer, you should not be out jogging. It is blizzarding outside. The roads are slippery and, you may notice, the sidewalks are not clear so you are running in the street. You should really know this since you're kind of in charge of that.

Gov, you should be working on your budget. It's due! You are being silly. And that's what I think every time I see you jogging in your neon yellow zip-up. I think you are silly.

Governor, stop being so silly. You will catch a cold or get hit by a careening semi.

<3 Claire

Some day...

Let it be known that, officially, as of today, I will be getting a spider monkey for Christmas. Not this Christmas, but some Christmas in the future.

And spider monkey and I will be the greatest of friends, and we shall grow old together. And I shall have a big rocking chair and spider monkey will have a small rocking chair, and we'll sit on the porch and discuss life. By this time, I will believe that spider monkey is speaking English back to me.

Not ok.

Did no one realize how disturbing the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is to small children who don't realize that it's the kid's father?

Seriously! That kid walked in on his mom hooking up with a chubby stranger. That would haunt him for yeeeeeeeeears.

I just remembered thinking how odd it was that we were happily singing about such a thing when we learned it in like 2nd grade.

At least I could still eat at restaurants

Someday, I could be the most famous artist in the world, and no one would recognize me in the street.

Don't believe me? What did Picasso look like?

Winterpants

I think it becomes clear that you're in real winter when you walk outside and your first thought is,

"Oh blast I'm only wearing one layer of pants."

An open letter

Dear Kanye,

I just kind of watched you on Saturday Night Live, mainly as an illustration of how hard I fail at studying. By kind of, I mean I muted it after a while because your light show was nice, but you were...

...um...

...to put it nicely...

...now I see why you use so much autotune and samples.
Stick with that.
Oh and stop overcompensating with douchebaggery.

Thanks! :D

<3 Claire.

Horsies!

If horses had showtunes, they would be really boring....because it would just be a lot of neighing. Like....neigh! neigh! And we would be like...what is this? They're just neighing! Worst. Musical. Ever.

yep

I think that when knee bones have babies they are ear bones because ear bones are really tiny.

like just scrubbing the dirt off the swan.

I've just decided to keep my glasses on all the time and look constantly unkempt and disheveled. That way, I can clean myself up for just one night and everyone will think I've bloomed into a beautiful swan in a 90s teen movie.

Good plan.

Helpful hints for walking in snow

1. Invest in boots. Male or female, invest in boots. They will save your pants.

2. Walk on snow. It's safer than ice.

3. When someone in front of you slips on ice, even if they don't fall, it's pretty funny. Just be aware that 3 seconds later you are going to slip on that same patch of ice.

Memory Lane

Well that was silly and impulsive. Probably could have chosen better.

Money Record

I always keep receipts. That way they get lost in my purse until I need something to write on.

I always have something to write on.

Doubles

We all hold ourselves to an obscene double-standard. If only at one thing, one thing that we think we're really good at. That one thing we can at least do better.

Even if it's just being sadder than an equally sad person or humbler than an equally humble person, everyone has that one thing.

Finals again

Ah yes, we've entered the time of year where I neglect my blog because I claim to be studying. Good times.

Oil slumps

During my present sophomore year of college, I read a Reuters article that came out today proclaiming that oil had plummeted to below $50 a barrel.

During my sophomore year of high school I wrote a current event for AP US History about oil breaking the $50 a barrel mark for the first time in history.

Whoa perspective.

Person of the day

This one's for you, guitar playing neighbor.

My admiration for you ability to play Weezer and Nirvana while I do homework is matched only by my wonder at how you managed to learn how to play without learning how to turn down your amp.

Way to go, you, way to go.

Time to drown you out with Sigur Rós.

Long nights with cop show marathons

If I were an insomniac I would insist upon having cable.

I was reunited with that old love of mine at home this weekend, and I realized there's really not that much on still. But at any time, there's always something better than network and public access.

Inexpensive materials indeed

Isn't it silly that for a lot of famous art out there, someone went to a store and bought a cheap roll of canvas?

Apologies for lazieness.

I feel like going home makes me even more incredibly lazy than I already am.

I'm going to try and hang out with you. For realz. But I am also going to take a lot of naps in random rooms of the house.

Best awkward moment solver:

Bubbles.

I wish that bubbles were illegal.

Then everyone would think that they're as cool as I do.

Midterm differences

The difference between Accounting and History is that the sarcastic answers I write to silly questions on Accounting midterms get me two points knocked off, and on History midterms it gets me five points of extra credit.

Killed by fame

So few are ever famous enough to be assassinated.

What's new is the same as what you threw out 10 years ago

I'm starting to think that fashion trends are dictated by what people think looks stupidest at the height of the previous trend.

I will usually defend messy things.

I understand things vastly better when they're messy.

The act of getting grossly frustrated over nitpicky instructions baffles me. I zone out to anything I consider overly specific because I've learned that those things will probably just confuse me.

It's much easier to block out large blobs of paint and do details in pen than it is to do the entire thing with a toothpick, and both will get you similar results. However the latter requires much more forethought and an aching back.

The more I drift toward this messiness, the worse I seem to get at math-type things. However at the same time, my art gets better and I understand literature more.

Good thing I just declared the messy major.

Life goal number 24

I want to meet a claymation major.

Yeah. They happen.

60's vs 00's

I have discovered the major difference between hippies and hipsters. Correcting for time period, technology and clothing choices,

hipsters are just lazier. Lazier than hippies.

<21

It suddenly struck me as incredibly rude that when people come over, I can't offer them a glass of wine.

Token

So I figure I'm one of the few people who still pops on over to fivethirtyeight.com pretty regularly, and I wanted to share with you my new favorite Nate Silver quote:

"But it might mean that if he has a successful presidency, he can become -- well -- everybody's imaginary hip black friend"

That's right. BHO is now the token black friend for every white person who doesn't have one.

Don't worry, it's OK that I made that joke, my president's black.

Observations on having fun.

It's fascinating how different people have fun.

Some people refuse to believe they're having fun unless they're drinking. Some obsessively take pictures to prove to facebook that they have fun. Often people do both.

And some people have fun sitting around chatting and staring at a wall. Some people just stare at a wall and have a ruddy fantastic time. Those people are often high.

Voters

I'm starting to think there should be a basic intelligence test to vote.

I'm talking really basic. No quiz on the issues or anything. Just comes down to "are you able to read one line of instructions so you know to fill in a bubble".

If they can't pass that should they reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally be voting?

Paying attention to that one guy

It's interesting to watch how we treat character actors. They're our favorite part of the movie but they seem to wind up being, "oh, that one guy, that one guy who does the eye thing!"

That's not to say it's a bad thing, a lot of them don't want the tabloids telling everyone that they're secretly an alien and also Oprah. But what's really interesting is that as soon as they leave the screen, we stop caring about their lives.

I think that's because they've gotten to a point where we don't see them as actors...we see them as people caught on screen. We don't want to know their name or their dirty secrets, they have the power to go live their life by forcing us to keep them on the screen.

Yeah sure a lot of character actors have parts that are too small for us to care about. But think about the ones who have become leading roles. Christian Bale, I think, is the best example. We want to see the Wall Street hotshot, the magician, the Batman. We don't want to see a chain-smoking Welshman who has to force himself to work out. We care more about Bale's characters than his real life...isn't that interesting he can make us do that.

Paying attention to that one guy

It's interesting to watch how we treat character actors. They're our favorite part of the movie but they seem to wind up being, "oh, that one guy, that one guy who does the eye thing!"

That's not to say it's a bad thing, a lot of them don't want the tabloids telling everyone that they're secretly an alien and also Oprah. But what's really interesting is that as soon as they leave the screen, we stop caring about their lives.

I think that's because they've gotten to a point where we don't see them as actors...we see them as people caught on screen. We don't want to know their name or their dirty secrets, they have the power to go live their life by forcing us to keep them on the screen.

Yeah sure a lot of character actors have parts that are too small for us to care about. But think about the ones who have become leading roles. Christian Bale, I think, is the best example. We want to see the Wall Street hotshot, the magician, the Batman. We don't want to see a chain-smoking Welshman who has to force himself to work out. We care more about Bale's characters than his real life...isn't that interesting he can make us do that.

Cold times.

Today the grass turned that grayish green color that makes everything look very very cold. It coincided with me overhearing multiple students rediscovering the concept of "staying in" on a Saturday.

Ow.

It's amazing how quickly moods can change.

All you can think of is how to fix things, yet everything you do may make things worse and you've been told to do nothing. Which, of course, is next to impossible.

Bitch may be the new black. But black is the new president.

:D

I've been waiting since July 28 2004. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Shaven Abe.

Hey. Check out Lincoln without a beard.

How weird is that?

A nice moment.

Today while I was on the bus, I looked out the window and saw a pick-up truck.

It was black and kind of grungy, being driven by an equally grungy man in a trucker hat. There was a cooler of Coors in the bed.

As the truck drove past us, I saw that the back was plastered with Obama, Franken, and Air America bumper stickers.

Yay I'm in Minnesota again!

I get lost very often.

"Huh. Suddenly I haven't the faintest idea where I am."

This thought generally passes through my head a couple times a day. And I do mean suddenly.

It was a nice moment.

Last night a girl in a fedora and a boy in a cowboy hat passed each other on the street.

It was dark and they couldn't really see each other, they could only see silhouettes that indicated they were both wearing headwear completely inappropriate for the weather.

A good use of your time.

Nerd answers to easyish Star Wars questions.

I think there might be some discrepancies with expanded universe but I don't know it well enough to check. Best part is, yet again, the comments section.

Dirty dirty!

I thought of this yesterday and have decided to use it in regular conversation, so you should probably know what it means.

Sedimentality
: the quality or state of having a dirty mind.

I am hilarious.

I win against vogue even though my glasses are vogue.

So I’ve put a lot of effort and research into this, and I just don’t think it’s happening.

I straight up do not look good in skinny jeans. If I do, I have yet to meet that pair of pants. But I am a very firm believer that if you do not look good in a certain trend, you can and should opt out of that specific trend. So folks, I’ve decided I like my body better than I like skinny jeans, and I’m just not going to wear them. Owned.

Sorry bout the accent

I apologize in advance if I ever move to a place with a very distinct accent or dialect. Because when I come back I fear that I will have acquired it a bit, and people will ask why I am talking so sillily, and I will apologize and try to explain that I love imitating people and I don't mean it.

So if I tell you now before it happens, perhaps you may believe me. For realsies.

Collegiatable

I just dropped some pizza on my laptop.

If I wasn't in college before, I sure am now!

;D

The fact that I attend classes doesn't count.

Brown eyes!

You know that website where you can enter in your parents' eye colors and your eye color and your spouse's eye color and their parents' eye colors and it pops out the likelihood of your baby's eye color? This one.

It won't let me do it because I'm not supposed to exist. My mom has blue eyes and my dad has green eyes. Out of my father's 13 brothers and sisters and all of their grandchildren my younger brother and I are the only ones with brown eyes.

And my mom studied genetics. Ha. Take that college.

I love this coat.

I think more people have been saying hi to me on the street since I bought a yellow coat.

Oh Benny.

My older brother is thinking he wants to dress up as a french maid for Halloween.

Because dressing up as Robin without a Batman was too gay.

Playing dress-up

Today I looked in the mirror after getting dressed and thought, "wow. I look like my mom today."

Then it hit me that all of the clothes I was wearing were hers...

Singing to myself.

One day during my senior year of high school, I walked past a guy who was singing by himself while he walked down the hallway. As I passed him, I thought, "wow. That guy sounds kind of nuts."

The issue with this is that I almost constantly sing to myself while walking down the hallway, street, or anytime I'm at home or in my car. Thus my next thought was, "I sound really nuts, don't I?"

The answer to this is yes. Not that I stopped, of course, I'm just a little more sympathetic to people who give me weird looks.

Readable!

I think it's really funny when I find out that people read my blog. I generally assume that no one does.

On that note I think Jon Ross is a really funny person. You keep that up.

Alternative alternative music

So spring of last year I got this album of alternative classical music. I'll link it here just so you don't have to go through the trouble of googling it. It's interesting...some of it is not so great but some of it is really interesting. 

A few weeks ago I was walking through the music department and I heard something that sounded like one of the pieces on the album and thought, "maybe it's by the same composer!"

Then I realized I was passing the practice rooms and that sound was in fact just a bunch of different people playing completely different things. Now I suspect I may have fallen for some sort of pretentious music prank that real musicians are playing on the world. But I think that about art sometimes too. 

Since then I've realized that this sound happens every day, and also there is an aspiring opera singer who never seems to leave this building. 

Infomercial.

So I'm watching this infomercial about buying up foreclosed houses. These people are way excited about a scam. And the actress they got is a little bit painful to watch. I think she's there so that you're distracted away from the discrepancies.

My new favorite hobby is watching infomercials and googling them at the same time. A surprising number of them aren't completely horrible. Don't worry, this one is.

Admission.

When you make grammatical errors in your facebook status, I have to make a conscious effort to not correct you. Seriously.

I made another comic.

Self-Portrait

Hey you know what's a really great idea if you're doing a giant self portrait for an introductory art class?

Use Chuck Close and Leonardo Da Vinci as inspiration. Yeah. That's not a high bar at all.

People.

There are a few people that I think I just don't like. I like most other people. Then there are some people that I just can't figure out if I like or not. Those are the ones that bother me.

Best.

It's funny because it's true.

I remember a few years ago I was watching Lord of the Rings or watching my brother play Zelda or looking at costumes or something like that, and I thought to myself,

the boots over tights and tunic look is going to come back sooner or later.

No it won't that's silly.

I am the smartest person alive.

I have a lot of tests and projects

I'm taking a short break from my homework to eat some cheese and inform you that my tummy hurts, and this is a bad time for it to do so.

All of those last words are two letter words that end in the letter o.

just wike uh widdle buhwd

The only time I really sing in front of people anymore is when I'm joking. Otherwise I get all nervoused up and gone are all those years of voice lessons. And by all I mean two.

Unless you count when I sing in my apartment with the windows open. Then I know people can hear me but I can't see them so it's OK.

Don't blow up Juptier.

Last night I had a dream that we blew up Jupiter. I assure you, readers, this turned out to be a very bad idea...though no one really talked about the consequences until after we effed up gravity.

It was also odd explaining to my future kids how when I was born there were 9 planets, and why they only got 7.

Postmodernism and the adaptability of today's youth culture

So my botany professor is a postmodern scientist. It's an interesting class. I think he is the only person I've ever met whom I would describe as a militant postmodernist.

What he brought up a lot at the beginning of class was the basic tenant of postmodernism that there is no truth (in contrast with answer-seeking modernism). He applies this voraciously to science in that there is no correct answer, we simply come up with the best narrative that seems to fit the observations.

So this is the thought I had, now that that introduction is over. How did this view of no answers, no truth, impact our generation's way of thinking? Postmodernism started a very long time ago and so that way of thinking, whether you like it or not, is embedded very deeply within our society. Modernism believed that we could find some sort of utopia, postmodernism gives up on that.

So what I'm thinking now is that perhaps this worldview is why my generation can adapt so insanely quickly to change, specifically technological change. New iPods! New computers! Of course we can figure out how to use them quickly, they're not the truth, not the ultimate, they're just a bit closer.

The unfortunate side effect seems to be a lack of drive. What do we care that something's wrong? It'll change in a few years anyway. Why put in the effort now when we'll have to redo it all later? Better to just adapt.

Interesting.

A note to myself.

Dear future Claire,

Please just do it. I know it's a tough decision, but remember me? Claire from the past? I want you to, and my opinion counts in your decision-making process. So now you know my vote. Hope it tips any qualms you have.

Taking the weather into consideration

I like being warm far far more than being cold, though I feel like if I moved somewhere without winter I would miss just having it there. The year would feel fakey.

Another mother daughter bonding moment.

So I'm talking to my mom on gmail, and the status under my name is "drawing fools!", as in earlier I was drawing, and y'alls are fools. My mother, however, saw three possible interpretations and was confused.

Ellen: OK here are my three interpretations.

1. You are drawing pictures of foolish people.

2. You or your readers are drawing like crazy.

3. You are drawing fools to you much as honey might draw flies.

It's the third interpretation that worries me.

Ha. Go mom.

My new alarm clock

Shortly before eight in the morning I finally rolled over and looked out my window, thinking, "God that is so loud there's got to be construction rrrrrrright outside my window."

It was only upon opening my second-floor window that I was almost face-to-face with a bulldozer. Not even on or across the street, but it seems to be helping dig the garden.

Bad things to lose

Bad thing to lose in an apartment:

a case of razorblades.

The floor, chairs, table and couch

There is currently no room to sit in our living room because it is covered in art.

I'm living in the right place. :)

SP = BS

So after watching the fairly mediocre season premiere of Saturday Night Live, I realized something. The punchline of every single really funny line of the evening, was Sarah Palin.

Which means,

Sarah Palin is the new Britney Spears.

You know it's true.

One hondo

This is my 100th blog and I wanted to write something insightful, but instead I just wrote about it being my 100th blog. Not to mention the whole point of this lovely little thing is for me to only write the very best thought of the day, and I have had many good stories and far, far too many thoughts.

Also, I've been spending a great deal of time asleep. That requires a lot of attention.

Best conversation

Best conversation of the day, e-mails between my roommate and her boyfriend. Everyone at Madison got an e-mail informing them about Spirit Squad (cheerleading) tryouts. This was her sarcastic response to this e-mail.

Omg, baby! Like, wanna try out for Spirit Squad with me? We can totally rock out Red and White! It'd be, like, so cute!!!

His response:

O_O spirit squad...it sounds like...ghostbusters...I'm in...

My work

Whenever I start a big art project I work very, very hard on it. That typically goes without saying. But I usually hear along my way that it is very "good" or "cool". The wonderful thing about that is that those statements assure me that I am nowhere near finished with it. I have one now that seems done...but I'll spend the next full week making it complete.

Compulsion.

I just had one of the most terrifying revelations of my young life. I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight.

Akin to relationships being fake if not on facebook.

Classic Mom quote:

[After finding out that a middle school friend was pregnant and that I had learned this via Facebook]

Mom: Well you know, you're not really pregnant unless you're pregnant on facebook.

Another thing that kind of bothers me

OK, I'm all for smilies. My personal favorite is this one :D

However.

If you are writing with a pen, pencil, crayon or decapitated walrus (i.e. not typing), and you feel that you absolutely positively need need NEED to make a smiley face to add to some point you are making,

it does not need to be sideways. That is what computers were forced to do, you have options. Go with the right choice.

Quirkz

I'm realizing that I not only have a lot of odd tics...but that people completely misinterpret them. I've met two maybe three people who have picked them out accurately, and I just realized that today.

Streaming thoughts

You ever wonder if your thought process is absolutely completely different from everyone else's? Curious. I'll never know. Though things are getting awful suspicious...

My opinion of the choice

OK I've always liked Hillary Clinton, really I have. I chose to support Obama as a political decision and didn't like when she attacked or pandered, but overall I've liked her.

What I would like her to do right now is to hold a press conference. I would like her to hold one informing her supporters and everyone else that she is insulted by McCain's choice for vice president. If they think they can throw some random chick on the ballot and expect to win over those who supported Clinton, they should be smacked. Not only that, but they had a litany of better choices than this joke of a politician, and they chose to set the bar low yet again. Hillary should show that she genuinely throws her support behind Obama and condemn the bottle of spray tan that is standing next to John McCain. No foreign policy experience (or even interest), her husband works for BP, she is under investigation by the ethics committee and a month ago when asked, she didn't even know what the Vice President did every day. What is this?!

Following the rules whilst bending them.

This counts as yesterday.

Dang used up my one thought.

oB-og

Tomorrow I return to my life as a collegiate student. I will try this year to spend more time not sitting around and thinking, seeing as I found this detrimental to my overall education. We'll see if this year continues the pattern...I'll link this blog to a blog in May sometime to see how it went.

Banksy

The thing I hate the most about advertising is that it attracts all the bright, creative and ambitious young people, leaving us mainly with the slow and self-obsessed to become our artists. Modern art is a disaster area. Never in the field of human history has so much been used by so many to say so little.

~Banksy

http://www.banksy.co.uk/menu.html

A list about tights.

The advantages of wearing black nylons to work:

1. You can wear a skirt of any length since you're almost wearing pants, too.
2. Looks classy as long as it doesn't look unclassy.
3. Forget to shave your legs? Doesn't really matter.
4. You can go to work with paint on your legs from a late night with a canvas and no one will ever know.

Best reason-
5. If you need to wear any sort of crimefighting outfit underneath your suit, that's the best route to go so that it doesn't look too suspicious. Fo' sho. Unless of course you dress like a whore like a certain Wonder Woman I know.

I would watch it in syndication on TNT and Cartoon Network.

If a television producer came and knocked on my door, and asked, what TV show do you want us to make? A show that would make you sit down and watch every episode and buy the DVD set, what would it be?

It would be this show. Always.

Movietimes.

Step back for a minute and think.

Would your life make a good movie? If not, then you've got it pretty good I think.

I use a very similar technique

This is a really great tutorial

How to Draw Anything (in 1 Step)

I wear my sunglasses during the day

So for my last week of work I've been moved up to the big cubicle. Promoted, as I like to say...even though I really just gave my cube to my replacement. The point is, this office has a window, which is super great. I, unlike most people here with windows, have chosen to open my blinds. However there is the small problem of the sun which, generally, is very bright.

Thus I am spending the rest of the week wearing sunglasses at my desk. At least in the morning when it's shining this direction anyway.

10 points for Claire.

Hairzcutt

I think I'm going to go chop my hair off again tonight. No idea what I'll do.

This is probably one of those things I should give more thought to.

Mr. Jones Goes to Crazytown - a mix in 3 parts from 3 persepectives.

ADA and I decided that we would burn each other mixes on Christmas, Easter, and both our birthdays. Since I had a recent birthday, I decided to make a concept album for him. This is it, feel free to figure it out, I'd welcome the interest.

1. All the Trees of the Field Will Clap their Hands (Sufjan Stevens)
2. Can't Get it Right Today (Joe Purdy)
3. Flying High (Jem)
4. The Last Time (Gnarls Barkley)
5. Psychobabble (Frou Frou)
6. Mad World (Tears for Fears)
7. Ballad of A Thin Man (Bob Dylan)
8. Me & Mr. Jones (Amy Winehouse)
9. Yer Blues (the Beatles)
10. Mad World (Michael Andrews & Gary Jules)
11. Don't Speak (No Doubt)
12. Mr. Pitiful (Matt Costa)
13. It's All Over But the Crying (Garbage)
14. Exit Music [for a Film] (Vitamin String Quartet, originally Radiohead)
15. Mad World (Alex Parks)
16. Feeling Good (Muse)

Scene from a birthday

[Younger brother walks past room, wearing T-shirt. Plaid pajama bottoms. Bear slippers. Leather football helmet. Ski goggles. He is walking like a cartoon. It is 4 in the afternoon]

Me: What are you wearing?

Him: [Stops and turns abruptly. Puts on corniest grin possible] It's my birthday! And I'm not leaving the house for the rest of the night! So I can wear whatever I want! (thumbs up)

Me: When are your friends getting here?

Him: In an hour or so. [continues cartoon walk]

My little brother turned 13 today. Things stayed about the same.

A Bitter Ode to the Beta Girl

A beta girl is often the second in that awful girl hierarchy that I avoid at all costs.

She is second to the alpha, and is proud to be there. She will agree with whatever the alpha says or does, her most commonly uttered phrases are "yeah", "I agree", and making sure that she blames herself before she imposes on anyone else who she considers to be above her. Once broken away from the classic schoolyard clique, she may have multiple alphas.

While she is subordinate to the alpha(s), she sees herself as very much above any gammas, deltas, or unaffiliated members of the group. If there is a clear omega, she probably resents that member more than any other member of the group and is the first to exclude them from anything.

The alpha will often get bored or irritated with the beta, preferring to transfer their attentions to other members of the group. This may result in a new beta, or the old beta fighting to get her alpha back. Without an alpha, betas will either create an alpha out of a gamma or become an omega. Rarely do they become alphas.

Betas have no favorite songs or movies and will usually vote for the majority. Any attention garnered is coveted and jealously guarded. They rarely if ever do things alone. When asked to do something that they feel may make them look ridiculous, betas will belittle it or insist that they "just couldn't do a thing like that".

You think they don't exist to this extreme, but they do. There are very few people I've met who I would even consider a beta, and even fewer who meet even most of what I've written. But they're out there, and it's odd.

A rolling punch gathers the guy from Hi-C

I'm not a big fan of rolling with the punches. I prefer to hit back.

I, however, am really not as Schwarzeneggerly strong as I sometimes pretend to be...sometimes I'm content with just letting the world know that I am being hit very hard.

Mickey may be due for a comeback

It's a good year to have big ears.

For serious, Barack Obama and Michael Phelps have wicked big ears. And it's awesome.

year long car rides

You know what's even worse than coming up with a comeback on the car ride home?

Coming up with a really brilliant comeback like a year later when no one else even remembers the conversation.

Seriously you guys, if I had a time machine, you would have gotten owned probably.

timeline

It's kind of unsettling to go through a photographic timeline of someone's life. They get very old very quickly.

Done, done done done done!

After today I never have to wake up that early for work ever again.

And if anyone asks me to...I'll punch them.

3 things that kind of bother me

• Turn signal lights that blink too quickly.
• Dear Abby (the younger).
• Cuticles.

Comic.

A note

Note to future Claire:

Never work this much again. Unless it's something really cool like anti-gravity painter. That would be sweet.

That's just unsettling.

I think it's ok sometimes to trust a skinny chef.

But NEVER trust a dentist with bad teeth.

Intermission.

Gotta admit,

Sleeping > posting

Interaction with real people > posting

So when those happen I don't post much. My B.

Sad reality

What, you think Superhero movies are unrealistic?

Only in that there aren't any superheroes. Villains, though, are the same.

like a cat

At night I go to bed really early like I'm old.

In the morning I sleep in really late like I'm a teenager.

Basically I spend about 50% of my time sleeping. More if it's a good day.

Blue and bubbly

I'm really not sure if I even like Diet Pepsi anymore. I just drink an obscene amount of it everyday to keep myself awake.

Close your eyes and think about paint.

Claire is relapsing.

Relapsing. Now isn't that a funny word? Spell it. Interesting.

I could have killed that little bug just now. But if I had, I never would have known how well it could jump. See?

The history of my aspiring novelist career

So today I was doing the thinkings about why I decided not to become a writer. And I think I pretty much blame school.

In fifth grade we did a futures project where we had to make a budget in accordance with whatever we wanted to be when we grow up. That's when I was like wow I'm gonna be poor.

In eighth grade we had to do a careers project and I was like oh no typically writers at least start off as freelance and then eventually maybe maybe MAYBE can support themselves. Ima be in the parents' basement. Shucks.

In ninth grade I had to do another career/future budgeting project to figure out college and after college plans and was like F this I don't like writing that much anyway.

WHY MUST YOU SHATTER ALL MY DREAMS WITH YOUR INSISTENCE ON FISCAL REALITY? MLAAAAAAAH.

Done.

My Grandma was pretty bummed though. She always wanted one of us to be published.

Guilting you into belief of the absurd

You know what kinda bothers me / I think is funny?

In movies and TV when something ridiculously ironic happens and they say, "I couldn't make this stuff up", as in it's so ridiculous it must be true.

The flaw in that is that it's on a fictional show. Meaning that someone did, in fact make it up. Dumb.

Contemplative

It's amazing, really, when you think about it.

Batman, I mean. I am making no attempt at being any deeper than that. Batman is amazing.

Elevators

I only hate elevators about half the time.

That half that I hate is when someone is in the elevator with me, usually limited to someone I don't know or, even worse, someone I almost know but don't or have never talked to.

The obligation that people seem to feel to make small talk when in an enclosed space just adds to the awkwardness of what would otherwise be an only marginally awkward situation. This has been made worse by the fact that people assume that - after they were sent my name in an e-mail when I started working here - since they know my name it relieves them the responsibility of introducing themselves. Thus making the elevators even worse.

Thinking

Do you ever stop and marvel at how easy it is to go from hungry to not hungry?

Wonderfully simple, isn't it?

Middle, or, I wrote the beginning and end and then realized they weren't necessary

One day, the man came home from work, absentmindedly checking another day off of his list of things to do, and saw a man sitting in his home. A man who was once his brother.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I've come to see you, I always said I would."
"You've been gone for years, doing what?"
"I have accomplished nothing," he said, "in any rational sense of the word. I've been a dreamer for the both of us."
"So where are my dreams then?" the man said, "did you bring them back to me?"

Painting.

I've been getting increasingly OCD about my paintings. If you can call them that. It's late and I'm pretty tired...but I'm probably going to go work on it for another couple hours because if I don't I won't be able to sleep. Still debating whether or not this is good or bad.

Photoawesome

I like sharing things that I like. Like my Dad's banana bread. And music. And (something I can share via blog) Tim Flach's photography.

Andy-rew

I kinda like it when my little brother can do things I can't. If he couldn't, he would hardly be as fantastic as he is.

Suspenders and sandwiches.

Just in case I haven't told you yet,

I'm bringing suspenders back.

However in my efforts to bring them back this morning by wearing them to work, I forgot my lunch.

Yet another example of how trying to be super cool can have negative consequences.

This is a shameless pander for someone to bring me lunch. And for everyone to wear suspenders. In the extremely unlikely event that someone is a big enough superhero to bring me lunch, text me. But no one will.

Real Life Parable 1

In my ninth grade English class, we read Emily Dickinson's
A Narrow Fellow in the Grass and were asked to interpret it. I, being me, confidently raised my hand and gave almost a line by line analysis about how it symbolized death, going so far as to cross cultural interpretations of death as a figure to make it fit this interpretation. To this my teacher said, "OK".

Then my good friend Matt raised his hand and said, "It's about a snake."

To this my teacher said, "That's correct."

Don't overthink interpretation, friends, especially with art.

Just for company

I'm going to be at Indigo Tea around 12:30. If anyone would like to join me, I'm sure I'd love to see you.

Death by Martial Arts

Maybe a couple of the 6 people who read my blog could help me out with this,

While watching Kill Bill volumes 1 and 2 this weekend, it struck me how incredibly infrequently we hear about fatalities inflicted via martial arts...especially in lieu of how often we see this happen in movies. I decided to look around for the actual rates for fatalities by martial arts in the US (and hopefully compare them with the rates of countries where martial arts are more prevalent), but I couldn't find them anywhere (not that surprising I suppose).

I e-mailed the boys over at my personal favorite blog, Freakonomics (that hyperlink is there for a reason...use it), to see if they'd bite. But they probably won't. And if they do it will be a highlight of my life. Can anyone find the stats?

You know,

No one really notices their own bathroom tile.

Thinking

I miss thinking sometimes. The average American does nothing but think for 19 minutes a day. I used to run about 6 hours. But that has caused problems recently and so I try to avoid it more. Not so bueno.

Sauces for your Fourth of July BBQ

Ingredients for sauces:

Applesauce:

Apples
Cinnamon

Wordsauce:

Alphabet soup
A dictionary

Cutesauce:

Smiles
Baby shoes
Puppies

Crazysauce:

Confetti
Puppies

Lamesauce:

Someone else's leg

Itz abowt Mozart.

I have become moderately obsessed with the song "Rock Me Amadeus". It's so good.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubciWqV8DQ8

I wonder...

If you suddenly took off all the foam #1 fingers at some sporting event,

how many people would still have their now-visible hand clenched in a one, and how many would just have their flat hand waving around.

Moreover now that I think about it, both options seem really funny.

Happiness again

I couldn't resist writing about this because it just seems odd to me. You get together this big group of people and ask them two questions, and then say the world is happier? What do you mean by happy? How do you compare it to last year when you didn't ask the subjects to compare it to last year?

Sure, someone may have put 'rather happy' for two years in a row and that probably counted for a +1 both times...but how does someone mark in an answer for, "Sure, I'm happy I suppose because I have no reason not to be...but last summer things were going better".

I am content when I have a plan, I am happy when I don't need one.

Oh, technology.

Upon realizing I had left my cell phone at home today, I sent out several e-mails informing some people who may have needed to call me that this had happened and that if they need me they should call my work phone or e-mail.

And then that struck me as sad.

If I could have lunch with any 3 people...

I think I'm going to pick Aristotle, Barack Obama 20 years from now, and Batman.

Honorable mentions:

Albert Einstein (not the greatest conversationalist)
Bob Dylan (the one I want would have showed up stoned)
John Lennon (ditto, would have brought Yoko and there are only three seats)
Jesus (prefers to remain cloaked in mystery)
Michelangelo or most other artists (couldn't talk about art without disappointing him in the post-modern scene)
Andrew Carnegie (would own the restaurant by the end of the meal)
Harry Potter (needs a break from the media)
JK Rowling (would have been picked 70 years from now, after she's dead)
Shakespeare (ditto to Jesus)

Any debates to these choices can be kept in the comments section, no correction blog will be issued.

Comic.

Today I decided to draw. I have very little to do. Facebookers may have to click "view original post" to see the pictures, I'm not sure if they'll import. Or you can click here. But not here.

One rule

If you only follow one rule your entire life,

let it be no shoes on the tatami mat.

Middling

My desk at work is filled with middles.

I sit and I have a notepad, and I just fill these partial pieces of paper up with as much of a story as I can fit. Sometimes I suppose they could be considered beginnings...but generally beginnings are boring, which is why most good books start with the middle and get you interested before telling you what's going on.

It's odder to write the middles of poems and songs...but I'm not very good at writing the ends or beginnings of those either. Maybe I'll make a song all of middles.

I'm pretty sure that's where this blog came from. The sequential thoughts that make perfect sense to me but when separated from their counterparts make very little sense at all, and are grounds for a whole new sequence of figuring that out. I think that's just wonderful.

The more Bob Dylan I listen to, the odder my middles get.

My soul is very literally hurt.

Generally, when I read articles, especially political ones, I don't read the comments because that's not really what I came to read. Today I decided to read them.

Wow. People hate a lot. Both sides are just spewing whatever biased tripe is fed to them. Removing the comments on articles might actually make races cleaner. Let them move their opinions to blogs no one reads.

I want an Aftershocks team jersey.

If I ever won the lottery, I would

Pay off my house,
Pay for college for my brothers and I
Invest almost the rest of the money

Except for the portion of the money that I am required to spend on something ridiculous and stupid, which I may just invest in a horde of Segways so that we can do this.

Just so you know, Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak plays on the Silicon Valley Aftershocks. This is the best nerd sport ever.

Useless

This Would be a Useless Invention:

Solar-powered nightlight.

--

Too much thinking today, thus no thoughts.

I figured the last part out during Star Wars

Sometimes, I like to think of who I would cast as the people in my life if I were to make a movie.

The only rule is it must someone at least decently famous and they must resemble the real person in some clear way.

It's kind of fun, figuring out how to translate mannerisms so that they're accentuated and projected and caricatured and underplayed to best fit into modern American movie format.

Then I decide that I prefer the real people.

I would make my brother Hayden Christianson, but he's not a good actor and isn't allowed in my movie.

Musings on emotional longevity.

When you get right down to it,

what's the difference between controlling your emotions and repressing them?

If you keep your emotions under control and then let them out later, you don't really have them completely under control. It's just a temporary setting. But if you keep them controlled all the time, then you're repressing them.

Yet one is a necessary virtue of modern society and the other is the primary vice of psychological analysis.

But should we let ourselves be controlled by instantaneous desires or should we focus on what we think we'll need later on and dictate our present actions accordingly? I tend to opt for the latter, though I'm generally a fan of the long-term.

Just check the RNA for UFO coding.

Ha. I knew it. We're all aliens. That's the only theory that ever made sense to me.

Do they have release clauses for this?

If you were kidnapped or abducted or put into a cryogenic sleep for like 5 years, and then suddenly returned to the world and your previous life without having any contact with the outside world during that time,

you would have a really terrible credit score.

Especially if you just took out a loan right before your departure from society. How are you supposed to get back on your feet when you can't even qualify for a down payment?

Sometimes,

Sometimes, I find it humorous that I wear stilettos to a job that requires me to lift heavy boxes a couple times a day.

Whatevs, man. I pull it off.

She says just before she winds up in the hospital...

Plants

Do you think that, if they could, plants would prefer sunshine or rain?

If it's sunny they've got photosynthesis going for them, but if it's raining they're eating. Both are necessary to live, and both in too large of doses will kill them.

Hm. Curious curious.

Maybe that's why they can't prefer either, because it's just too hard to choose. Maybe certain plants prefer one to the other and they spend all day debating which is better. Maybe they prefer whichever one they have at the time. Or don't have. The more I think about it the more questions come up.

No time, obviously

Update my blog?! I don't have time to update my blog! Ridiculous!

Subjective Assumption

I'm at my aunt's house today, and I was looking at a picture in her bathroom deciding whether or not I liked a painting. It occurred to me that of course it was a good painting, Mardy is an artist and thus she knows what she's talking about.

Then it struck me that this logic is very flawed. Because there is bad art out there and thus there must be artists with bad taste who paint it. Do not assume that just because someone specializes in an area that their opinion is correct all the time, especially in a subjective field.

Personally I think my aunt has very good taste for the record and decided that I like that painting, though I came up with that opinion on my own merits.

Really, when you think about it,

how did Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ever get made?

Moreover, how did they ever become popular?

I mean, there's a whole batallion of animal-inspired or cross-bred comic book heroes, but really, turtles are what hit the mark?

You're good with ninja. Teenage is good for the demographic. But Turtles?! How did that work? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Very long title. I've been trying to figure this out all day, if anyone has insight as to how this happened (or, even better, why you liked them as a kid...or now), feel free to comment and explain it to me.

Informed guilt

I am more up on current events than I have ever been. I read 5 news sites/newspapers a day. Yesterday I read the entire history of Zimbabwe to better inform me of the current crisis. This new habit is good for me in general, but I really feel like I should be working.

Go watch it online

After watching last night's episode of the Daily Show, I'm starting to think that Terry McAuliffe is behind Hillary's blindness.

B-Rock the Go-bama

As we speak, I am in product training trying to learn about Business Service accounts while quietly refreshing the news sites and having an exploding celebration on the inside because Barack Obama is my Democratic nominee. Celebrating so very quietly it's killing me. Happy day :)

Today, we bonded.

Conversation between my mother and I at the grocery store:

"Claire, do you see the fajita seasoning? We're in the Mexican isle...is there such a thing as fajita seasoning?"

"No...but I'm in Tortillaville!"

"..."

"It's right next to Margaritaville!"

"..."

"I'm by the tortillas. I don't see any fajita seasoning."

"Oh there it is."

"Margaritaville! Like the song!"

"I know. It just wasn't very funny."

"This is going to be my blog for the day."

"Alright Claire."

Frankly

I prefer famous actors to be in movies rather than commercials.

Faced.

A lot of times, when I can't immediately hear what someone said or asked, or am not really paying attention, my response is, "Your face".

This is not the best response.

Musings on problems created and then almost instantly fixed

While sitting here reading Newsweek in my excruciatingly wonderfully high-waisted skirt, the severe storm sirens just went off.

My first thought was wondering if the pizza delivery men are allowed to still deliver my dinner, or if they are kept inside until danger has passed.

Doesn't really matter to me. They should probably be kept safe, the only reason for them to hurry would have been to get here before the males of the family went to track practice, and now that is surely canceled due to the aforementioned storms.

Also now that I can't bike tonight to where I needed to go, I'll need a car. Which will be here because the boys won't be at track.

Things usually work out, just not usually this neatly.

Think

I think people think I'm better at things than I think I am.

Worktime fiesta

You know what makes my day?

In the middle of taking a phone message, the woman I'm taking it from muttering something about how difficult it is for her to focus, "too many margaritas..."

It's noon on a Tuesday. You're at work. It sounds like you're in charge of something moderately important at said work. You should really win some sort of award for that.

Time travel made easy

I am blown away by being at home.

It's like traveling back in time...but the past is completely different.

Big Brother says get off facebook and clean your room

I think that authoritarianism will work when everyone just gets too lazy to want to do anything.

Ugh. I'm sleeping. Just let the regime handle it. Just tell me what to do and then let me be. Whatever.

This is what I think about a lot.

Just thinking.

I'm at work again. And if I were say trapped in my office. And my cell phone didn't work because the villians had jammed the signal. And also cut the phone lines. But my internet worked for some reason. Maybe they had just disabled my specific phone. Anyway. And I had to somehow contact the outside world as quickly as possible, but facebook and all chat applications are blocked at work, and also I was not able to dial 911 from the computer...I don't even know if you can do that, but just excluding that.

This might just be one of the few ways I could communicate my impending doom and need for help.

Hm. Now that I've written that, if I ever do post a frantic cry for help, heed it. Please.

Just sayin'. You all should probably leave my blog up at all times and constantly refresh it just in case that happens. I mean, I can hold the bad guys off with witty conversation for only so long.

They say taupe*** is very soothing

Corporate. Corporate corporate business business gray walls.
Sometimes I do weird things in the elevator to make sure I'm not a robot.
The scariest part after three days is that it's not bad working here at all.

***Correction points for Ari.

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream. Or not ice cream.

Between starting my office job this week and spending the past year studying an obscene amount of philosophers, political scientists and scientists, I've been thinking more about the things we tell ourselves to convince ourselves that we're happy. How can you be happy spending 8 hours a day checking numbers on a screen? How can you not be happy when you have food on the table every night?

Still a girl.

I start my new job tomorrow! I bought clothes.

Sun

If you want to fully appreciate summer:

Go outside
Sit on top of your car
Put on "Panama" by the Cat Empire
Chill.

Overthinker

I'd like to take this blog to contradict my second blog. I definitely think symbolism is legit. Especially when intentional, also in the sense that you can tell what people are thinking by their actions. However, things can be over thought. I'm good at that.

[Im]Patience

Patience is a virtue. Isn't impatience also sometimes a virtue? Getting things done as soon as possible, expecting things to happen when they should? I think it depends on the situation. I mean, I'm all for patience...but sometimes a little urgency is needed.

Is the same true for all "virtues"?

paper

I have not been posting because my only thought is studying. Thus,

study study study.

Thought complete

Truth and Reality

In my view, truth and reality are incredibly different. Truth is your subjective belief of what it reality, and reality is the objective ultimate. You can interpret reality multiple different ways into your own truth and there are some that are thought of as universal, but, in the end, truth is weak and singular in the face of a plurally created reality.

That's Just Silly.

Fun thing to do: when walking behind a person or group of people and no one else is in the hallway, walk as ridiculously as you can. Awkward if they turn around, but a good story for later.

A Good use of Time and Money

I am seriously considering spending $13 on Alanis Morissette's best of album. Solely so that I could perfect my impression of her over the summer. It's good, but it could be great.

Real Life Symbolism

I don't believe in symbolism anymore. Not only did I find it incredibly easy to make up within high school literary criticism, but I can find it almost as easily in real life. Just because I see the same person a few times in one day does not mean they will be significant in my life. The fact that it's snowing does not mean my creativity is being stifled. But maybe I'm wrong.

The Beginning of the Most Exciting Thing on Earth.

I've been thinking of starting this blog for a while. I think a lot. Sometimes I think of interesting things. Sometimes I think of things I wish I could tell people but no one happens to be in the immediate vicinity. So this is a blog of thoughts. Just one per day, so it has to be the very best one. This also results in short posts. I just used up today's thought making this blog. Tune in later, man.