Intermission.

Gotta admit,

Sleeping > posting

Interaction with real people > posting

So when those happen I don't post much. My B.

Sad reality

What, you think Superhero movies are unrealistic?

Only in that there aren't any superheroes. Villains, though, are the same.

like a cat

At night I go to bed really early like I'm old.

In the morning I sleep in really late like I'm a teenager.

Basically I spend about 50% of my time sleeping. More if it's a good day.

Blue and bubbly

I'm really not sure if I even like Diet Pepsi anymore. I just drink an obscene amount of it everyday to keep myself awake.

Close your eyes and think about paint.

Claire is relapsing.

Relapsing. Now isn't that a funny word? Spell it. Interesting.

I could have killed that little bug just now. But if I had, I never would have known how well it could jump. See?

The history of my aspiring novelist career

So today I was doing the thinkings about why I decided not to become a writer. And I think I pretty much blame school.

In fifth grade we did a futures project where we had to make a budget in accordance with whatever we wanted to be when we grow up. That's when I was like wow I'm gonna be poor.

In eighth grade we had to do a careers project and I was like oh no typically writers at least start off as freelance and then eventually maybe maybe MAYBE can support themselves. Ima be in the parents' basement. Shucks.

In ninth grade I had to do another career/future budgeting project to figure out college and after college plans and was like F this I don't like writing that much anyway.

WHY MUST YOU SHATTER ALL MY DREAMS WITH YOUR INSISTENCE ON FISCAL REALITY? MLAAAAAAAH.

Done.

My Grandma was pretty bummed though. She always wanted one of us to be published.

Guilting you into belief of the absurd

You know what kinda bothers me / I think is funny?

In movies and TV when something ridiculously ironic happens and they say, "I couldn't make this stuff up", as in it's so ridiculous it must be true.

The flaw in that is that it's on a fictional show. Meaning that someone did, in fact make it up. Dumb.

Contemplative

It's amazing, really, when you think about it.

Batman, I mean. I am making no attempt at being any deeper than that. Batman is amazing.

Elevators

I only hate elevators about half the time.

That half that I hate is when someone is in the elevator with me, usually limited to someone I don't know or, even worse, someone I almost know but don't or have never talked to.

The obligation that people seem to feel to make small talk when in an enclosed space just adds to the awkwardness of what would otherwise be an only marginally awkward situation. This has been made worse by the fact that people assume that - after they were sent my name in an e-mail when I started working here - since they know my name it relieves them the responsibility of introducing themselves. Thus making the elevators even worse.

Thinking

Do you ever stop and marvel at how easy it is to go from hungry to not hungry?

Wonderfully simple, isn't it?

Middle, or, I wrote the beginning and end and then realized they weren't necessary

One day, the man came home from work, absentmindedly checking another day off of his list of things to do, and saw a man sitting in his home. A man who was once his brother.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I've come to see you, I always said I would."
"You've been gone for years, doing what?"
"I have accomplished nothing," he said, "in any rational sense of the word. I've been a dreamer for the both of us."
"So where are my dreams then?" the man said, "did you bring them back to me?"

Painting.

I've been getting increasingly OCD about my paintings. If you can call them that. It's late and I'm pretty tired...but I'm probably going to go work on it for another couple hours because if I don't I won't be able to sleep. Still debating whether or not this is good or bad.

Photoawesome

I like sharing things that I like. Like my Dad's banana bread. And music. And (something I can share via blog) Tim Flach's photography.

Andy-rew

I kinda like it when my little brother can do things I can't. If he couldn't, he would hardly be as fantastic as he is.

Suspenders and sandwiches.

Just in case I haven't told you yet,

I'm bringing suspenders back.

However in my efforts to bring them back this morning by wearing them to work, I forgot my lunch.

Yet another example of how trying to be super cool can have negative consequences.

This is a shameless pander for someone to bring me lunch. And for everyone to wear suspenders. In the extremely unlikely event that someone is a big enough superhero to bring me lunch, text me. But no one will.

Real Life Parable 1

In my ninth grade English class, we read Emily Dickinson's
A Narrow Fellow in the Grass and were asked to interpret it. I, being me, confidently raised my hand and gave almost a line by line analysis about how it symbolized death, going so far as to cross cultural interpretations of death as a figure to make it fit this interpretation. To this my teacher said, "OK".

Then my good friend Matt raised his hand and said, "It's about a snake."

To this my teacher said, "That's correct."

Don't overthink interpretation, friends, especially with art.

Just for company

I'm going to be at Indigo Tea around 12:30. If anyone would like to join me, I'm sure I'd love to see you.

Death by Martial Arts

Maybe a couple of the 6 people who read my blog could help me out with this,

While watching Kill Bill volumes 1 and 2 this weekend, it struck me how incredibly infrequently we hear about fatalities inflicted via martial arts...especially in lieu of how often we see this happen in movies. I decided to look around for the actual rates for fatalities by martial arts in the US (and hopefully compare them with the rates of countries where martial arts are more prevalent), but I couldn't find them anywhere (not that surprising I suppose).

I e-mailed the boys over at my personal favorite blog, Freakonomics (that hyperlink is there for a reason...use it), to see if they'd bite. But they probably won't. And if they do it will be a highlight of my life. Can anyone find the stats?

You know,

No one really notices their own bathroom tile.

Thinking

I miss thinking sometimes. The average American does nothing but think for 19 minutes a day. I used to run about 6 hours. But that has caused problems recently and so I try to avoid it more. Not so bueno.

Sauces for your Fourth of July BBQ

Ingredients for sauces:

Applesauce:

Apples
Cinnamon

Wordsauce:

Alphabet soup
A dictionary

Cutesauce:

Smiles
Baby shoes
Puppies

Crazysauce:

Confetti
Puppies

Lamesauce:

Someone else's leg

Itz abowt Mozart.

I have become moderately obsessed with the song "Rock Me Amadeus". It's so good.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubciWqV8DQ8

I wonder...

If you suddenly took off all the foam #1 fingers at some sporting event,

how many people would still have their now-visible hand clenched in a one, and how many would just have their flat hand waving around.

Moreover now that I think about it, both options seem really funny.