An open letter 3

Dear Mothers of the world,

When you are the mother of young boys, you have a choice to either take them to the mall with you or leave them at home. Sometimes you take them. When you do take them, that is not the time to go to Victoria's Secret.

For those of you that DO subject your child to this most excruciating embarrassment, you clearly have little shame as is and might as well keep them with you, since that is only slightly more embarrassing.

The correct thing to do is NOT to make sure they're in the store with you, and then let them frolic about to entertain themselves with whatever they wish. They will wind up in the middle of the store, playing in a pile of lingerie.

This will happen no matter who your child is or how old.

<3 Claire

I like sharing art.

http://www.thedesignblog.org/entry/old-car-parts-salvaged-into-beautiful-sculptures/

I saw this guy's work last year and it's really, REALLY cool. I'd say if you have an extra 20 or 40 thousand dollars lying around, this is defs the way to go.

Watchmen

My issue is that I got a hardcover edition of Watchmen for Christmas. I asked for it, it's great and all....

But it's in plastic wrap and I'm struggling with whether to unwrap it or not. If it hadn't been wrapped, I'd be fine. Decisions, decisions...

My mom.

My mom has a Digg gadget on her iGoogle. She is now automatically cooler than your mom.

Truth

THIS IS THE LONG-LOST 3RD POST FROM THAT FATEFUL NIGHT.
I just found it because I saved it as a draft:


"You know what talks really fast? A parrot on acid. True fact."

Poor wording.

If you are having problems in your lovelife, "clusterfuck" is rarely the word you should use to describe how badly things are. As in,

"My love life has turned into a clusterfuck of epic proportions."

If this IS an accurate description of the issues you are having, then I think I might know how to improve things.

An open letter 2

Dear Governor Pawlenty,

I am writing you a letter because I saw you today.

Governer, you should not be out jogging. It is blizzarding outside. The roads are slippery and, you may notice, the sidewalks are not clear so you are running in the street. You should really know this since you're kind of in charge of that.

Gov, you should be working on your budget. It's due! You are being silly. And that's what I think every time I see you jogging in your neon yellow zip-up. I think you are silly.

Governor, stop being so silly. You will catch a cold or get hit by a careening semi.

<3 Claire

Some day...

Let it be known that, officially, as of today, I will be getting a spider monkey for Christmas. Not this Christmas, but some Christmas in the future.

And spider monkey and I will be the greatest of friends, and we shall grow old together. And I shall have a big rocking chair and spider monkey will have a small rocking chair, and we'll sit on the porch and discuss life. By this time, I will believe that spider monkey is speaking English back to me.

Not ok.

Did no one realize how disturbing the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is to small children who don't realize that it's the kid's father?

Seriously! That kid walked in on his mom hooking up with a chubby stranger. That would haunt him for yeeeeeeeeears.

I just remembered thinking how odd it was that we were happily singing about such a thing when we learned it in like 2nd grade.

At least I could still eat at restaurants

Someday, I could be the most famous artist in the world, and no one would recognize me in the street.

Don't believe me? What did Picasso look like?

Winterpants

I think it becomes clear that you're in real winter when you walk outside and your first thought is,

"Oh blast I'm only wearing one layer of pants."

An open letter

Dear Kanye,

I just kind of watched you on Saturday Night Live, mainly as an illustration of how hard I fail at studying. By kind of, I mean I muted it after a while because your light show was nice, but you were...

...um...

...to put it nicely...

...now I see why you use so much autotune and samples.
Stick with that.
Oh and stop overcompensating with douchebaggery.

Thanks! :D

<3 Claire.

Horsies!

If horses had showtunes, they would be really boring....because it would just be a lot of neighing. Like....neigh! neigh! And we would be like...what is this? They're just neighing! Worst. Musical. Ever.

yep

I think that when knee bones have babies they are ear bones because ear bones are really tiny.

like just scrubbing the dirt off the swan.

I've just decided to keep my glasses on all the time and look constantly unkempt and disheveled. That way, I can clean myself up for just one night and everyone will think I've bloomed into a beautiful swan in a 90s teen movie.

Good plan.

Helpful hints for walking in snow

1. Invest in boots. Male or female, invest in boots. They will save your pants.

2. Walk on snow. It's safer than ice.

3. When someone in front of you slips on ice, even if they don't fall, it's pretty funny. Just be aware that 3 seconds later you are going to slip on that same patch of ice.

Memory Lane

Well that was silly and impulsive. Probably could have chosen better.

Money Record

I always keep receipts. That way they get lost in my purse until I need something to write on.

I always have something to write on.

Doubles

We all hold ourselves to an obscene double-standard. If only at one thing, one thing that we think we're really good at. That one thing we can at least do better.

Even if it's just being sadder than an equally sad person or humbler than an equally humble person, everyone has that one thing.

Finals again

Ah yes, we've entered the time of year where I neglect my blog because I claim to be studying. Good times.

Oil slumps

During my present sophomore year of college, I read a Reuters article that came out today proclaiming that oil had plummeted to below $50 a barrel.

During my sophomore year of high school I wrote a current event for AP US History about oil breaking the $50 a barrel mark for the first time in history.

Whoa perspective.